Rurouni Kenshin Meets Jerry Springer
by IceDragon432
Summary: Dis is a result of boredom and mountain dew mixed. pretty scary, huh? some Kaoru bashing


Disclaimer: I'd like to say I own Rurouni Kenshin *sighs* but I don't *sighs again* but I still can collect the movies, some posters, and maybe even a sakabatou. So plz do not sue me 'cuz you won't get ne money out of me. So w/o ne further ado( I hear dat alot) here's my fic. Plz review.  
*Crowd cheers*  
  
Jerry Springer: Welcome to another edition of the Jerry Springer show! The topic of today's show "Men Who Lose Control". Let's meet today's guest.......Kenshin Himura!  
  
Guards: Hey, no weapons on stage!  
  
Kenshin: Oh, shut up! *sits in a chair*  
  
J S: Now tell me how have you lost control?  
  
Kenshin: To put it simply I have girls fighting over me and there isn't enough sake(Japanese beer) to calm my nerves!  
  
J. S.: Sounds like a real problem.  
  
Kenshin: You better believe it!  
  
J. S.: Let's bring out the girls, Tomoe and Kaoru!  
  
*in background* *girls screaming and cussing*  
  
Guards: You're wanted on the stage!  
  
Tomoe: *punches guard* shut up! We're going!  
  
Kenshin: *sees Tomoe* I thought you were dead  
  
Tomoe: I was, but IceDragon432 gave Hades this blonde-haired girl instead, so I could live  
  
Kenshin: What in the world is she thinking?  
  
Tomoe: Heck, if I know!  
  
IceDragon432: Hey! *walks on stage*  
  
Tomoe and Kenshin: Oops!  
  
J. S.: *sweatdrops* I...uh..... would like to finish this so I can go home!  
  
IceDragon432: Fine, you whiny baby! *goes backstage*  
  
J. S.: I'm not a whiny baby  
  
IceDragon432: *shouts from backstage* Just get on with it!!!!!  
  
J. S.: Ahem *clears throat* Now what's the problem?  
  
Kenshin: Um...*gets cut off*  
  
Tomoe:*cuts Kenshin off* You see, I was originally married to Kenshin who killed my fiancé  
  
Kenshin: Which I didn't know until l she told me.  
  
Tomoe: Shut up! I'm trying' to tell the story here  
  
Man in the crowd: Hey baby, you're rough!  
  
Tomoe: Hey, you haven't seen me pissed off yet so watch it!  
  
Man: Whatever you say!  
  
Tomoe: Don't try me!  
  
Kenshin:*holds Tomoe back* He's not worth your time.  
  
Man: B******! You don't know who you're dealing with!  
  
Kenshin: You don't either! I'm Battousai the man-slayer Kenshin Himura!  
  
Man: B.B.Battousai! Yikes! *runs away screaming*  
  
Kaoru: I thought you stopped killing.  
  
Kenshin: I did, but he doesn't know that!  
  
J. S.: This has got to be the most interesting show ever. Tomoe, would you mind continuing before we lose anymore of the audience?  
  
Tomoe: Of course not. Well, as I was saying we were married and I left to keep him from getting killed, but he like any loyal husband followed me. But as I tried to save his life he killed me trying to kill my father.  
  
Kenshin: That's where I got one of my scars.  
  
Tomoe: I originally meant to kill you, but giving you the scar was the best I could do.  
  
*crowd sniffles*  
  
J. S.: Where does this Kaoru come into play?  
  
Kenshin: After I became I wanderer, I became a border at her dojo  
  
Tomoe: Which she beats the crap out of him even when he isn't doing anything wrong like complimenting her cooking which tastes like s***  
  
Kaoru: It does not!  
  
Tomoe: Well, it wouldn't to you, you hoe!  
  
Kaoru: *grabs Tomoe's hair* Take that back!  
  
Tomoe: B****! *flips Kaoru off*  
  
Kenshin: Tomoe, don't get carried away!  
  
Tomoe: Don't worry. I won't  
  
J. S.:*sighs* Why does this always happen on my shows?  
  
IceDragon432: Because people can't act like this anywhere else, so they do it here  
  
J. S.: That might be the case. Well, it's getting kind of boring. Guards!  
  
Guard: *grabs Kaoru* Ok, sweetie let's go!  
  
Kenshin: Sano?  
  
Sanosuke: I wanted to be on the show and this was the only position open, so here I am  
  
IceDragon432: Just do your job!  
  
Sanosuke: ok. *drops Kaoru*  
  
Kaoru: Ouch!  
  
Sanosuke:*flexes muscles*  
  
Girls in audience: Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!  
  
IceDragon432: *smacks Sano* Save that for later! Now do your job!  
  
Sanosuke: Awwwwwww! Oh, ok! *picks up Kaoru*  
  
Kaoru: What are you doing?  
  
Tomoe: My thoughts exactly!  
  
Sanosuke: Doing my job even though I have no clue what that is!  
  
IceDragon432: *smacks head* When is he going to get it?  
  
Sanosuke: What do you mean?  
  
IceDragon432: We assigned you as a guard and what do guards do?  
  
Sanosuke: Um..... I don't know  
  
IceDragon432: No more sake!  
  
Sanosuke: You can't do that!  
  
IceDragon432: Just watch me!  
  
J. S.: Why do I feel like an outcast?  
  
IceDragon432: It seems like you can't handle this show anymore, so I'm taking over. Go back to hiding under the table!  
  
J. S.: That's not fair! *hides under the table*  
  
IceDragon432: So before we lose anymore control and all hell breaks loose, tell me which girl do you prefer?  
  
Kenshin: Let's see the girl that beats the s*** out of me or the girl that loves me  
  
Kaoru: I do not beat the crap out of you  
  
IceDragon432: Let's see about that! Roll tape! *tape doesn't roll* Ahem! I said Roll tape! *Episode 5 plays*  
  
*People on tape* Kenshin: No, I actually like Kaoru's cooking a lot. It's tastes better each time I eat it!  
  
Sanosuke: You're not supposed to get used to it. Ahhhhh!  
  
Kaoru: *throwing veggies* If you don't like it then don't eat it's not like you're paying for the food anyway, you freeloader!  
  
Sanosuke: I quit fighting for money so I'm broke. Don't be so stingy!  
  
Kenshin:*gets hit with veggies* Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai Ai **gets hit with a bucket*  
  
*tape ends*  
  
IceDragon432: See how cruel she is! And she didn't even say sorry!  
  
Crowd: AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!  
  
Kenshin: *looking dazed and confused*  
  
Tomoe:*nudges Kenshin* Wake up!  
  
Kenshin: What did I miss?  
  
Tomoe: I think Kaoru is about to be kicked off the stage  
  
Kenshin: Why?  
  
Tomoe: 'Cuz I think she upset IceDragon432  
  
Kenshin: That's not a good idea  
  
Tomoe: Shh! I know!  
  
IceDragon432: I think the crowd has decided that Kaoru is bad person in this situation  
  
Kaoru:*chokes on tears* I'm not the bad person her  
  
IceDragon432: *sighs* She's really giving me a headache!  
  
Kaoru: It's your fault!*grabs Tomoe and chokes her*  
  
Kenshin:*grab Kaoru* Get off her, Kaoru!!!  
  
Kaoru:*kicks Kenshin in the nuts* Leave me alone!!  
  
Tomoe: B****!!! *throws Kaoru on the floor*  
  
Sanosuke: Now this is funny!!  
  
IceDragon432: In any case, we got to stop them before they kill each other, although, that would be an interesting thing to see  
  
Kaoru:*pulls out a knife* Die! * slashes Tomoe's arm*  
  
Tomoe: *screams in pain* Kenshin!!!  
  
Kenshin: *pulls out reversed-blade sword* I prayed that I would not have to do this *flips blade*  
  
Kaoru: K...K..K...Kenshin!  
  
Kenshin:*eyes glow orange* Good-bye *slices her*  
  
IceDragon432: What a dramatic ending!  
  
Sanosuke: My thoughts exactly. I never thought he'd actually do that  
  
IceDragon432: Same here  
  
Kenshin: *gets next to Tomoe* I'm here *bandages her wound*  
  
J. S.: Now see what you have done you got blood on the brand new carpets!  
  
Kenshin:*eyes still glowing orange*Don't make me kill you too!  
  
J. S.: *whimpers* Ahhhhhhhhhhh! *runs away*  
  
IceDragon432: Nice job, Kenshin!  
  
Kenshin: *puts sword back into sheath* I thought so too!  
  
IceDragon432: I guess that raps it up! Could someone please remove her body before it stinks the place up?  
  
Guards: *grumbling* Who does she think we are? *picks up the body and carries it out*  
  
Sanosuke: That was really interesting!  
  
Kenshin: *kisses Tomoe*  
  
IceDragon432: Kenshin? *giggles* I'll just leave them alone. Well, that's all for today. See you next time!  
  
Sanosuke: Wait!!! We got to do this right! *clears throat* BL...Bl...Bl....Bl.....Bl.. that's all folks!  
  
IceDragon432:*puts a hand on forehead* Oh, God! I need an aspirin!  
How was it? Weird, huh? You're probably right! 


End file.
